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August 12th, 2018

Dreaming of a Job to Promote Love, Empathy and sexual Freedom

Debianhas always been filled with people who want to make the world a better place. We consider the social implications of our actions. Many are involved in work that focuses on changing the world. I’ been hesitant to think too closely about how that applies to me: I fear being powerless to bring about the world in which I would like to live.

Recently though, I've been taking the time to dream. One day my wife came home and told another story of how she’d helped a client reduce their pain and regain mobility. I was envious. Every day she advances her calling and brings happiness into the world, typically by reducing physical suffering. What would it be like for me to find a job where I helped advance my calling and create a world where love could be more celebrated. That seems such a far cry from writing code and working on software design every day. But if I don’t articulate what I want, I'll never find it.

I’ve been working to start this journey by acknowledging the ways in which I already bring love into the world. One of the most important lessons of Venus’s path is that to bring love into the world, you have to start by leading a life of love. At work I do this by being part of a strong team. We’re there helping each other grow, whether it is people trying entirely new jobs or struggling to challenge each other and do the best work we can. We have each other’s back when things outside of work mean we're not at our best. We pitch in together when the big deadlines approach.

I do not shove my personal life or my love and spirituality work in people’s faces, but I do not hide it. I'm there as a symbol and reminder that different is OK. Because I am open people have turned to me in some unusual situations and I have been able to invite compassion and connection into how people thought about challenges they faced.

This is the most basic—most critical love work. In doing this I’m already succeeding at bringing love into the world. Sometimes it is hard to believe that. Recently I have been daring to dream of a job in which the technology I created also helped bring love into the world.

I'd love to find a company that's approaching the world in a love-positive, sex-positive manner. And of course they need to have IT challenges big enough to hire someone who is world class at networking, security and cloud architecture. While I'd be willing to take a pay cut for the right job, I'd still need to be making a US senior engineer's salary.

Actually saying that is really hard. I feel vulnerable because I’m being honest about what I want. Also, it feels like I’m asking for the impossible.

Yet, the day after I started talking about this on Facebook, OkCupid posted a job for a senior engineer. That particular job would require moving to New York, something I want to avoid. Still, it was reassuring as a reminder that asking for what you want is the first step.

I doubt that will be the only such job. It's reasonable to assume that as we embrace new technologies like blockchains and continue to appreciate what the evolving web platform standards have to offer, there will be new opportunities. Yes, a lot of the adult-focused industries are filled with corruption and companies that use those who they touch. However, there's also room for approaching intimacy in a way that celebrates desire, connection, and all the facets of love.

And yes, I do think sexuality and desire are an important part of how I’d like to promote love. With platforms like Facebook, Amazon and Google, it's easier than ever for people to express themselves, to connect, and if they are willing to give up privacy, to try and reach out and create. Yet all of these platforms have increasingly restrictive rules about adult content. Sometimes it’s not even intentional censorship. My first post about this topic on Facebook was marked as spam probably because some friends suggested some businesses that I might want to look at. Those businesses were adult-focused and apparently even positive discussion of such businesses is now enough to trigger a presumption of spam.

If we aren't careful, we're going to push sex further out of our view and add to an ever-higher wall of shame and fear. Those who wish to abuse and hurt will find their spaces, but if we aren't careful to create spaces where sex can be celebrated alongside love, those seedier corners of the Internet will be all that explores sexuality. Because I'm willing to face the challenge of exploring sexuality in a positive, open way, I think I should: few enough people are.

I have no idea what this sort of work might look like. Perhaps someone will take on the real challenge of creating content platforms that are more decentralized and that let people choose how they want content filtered. Perhaps technology can be used to improve the safety of sex workers or eventually to fight shame associated with sex work. Several people have pointed out the value of cloud platforms in allowing people to host whatever service they would choose. Right now I’m at the stage of asking for what I want. I know I will learn from the exploration and grow stronger by understanding what is possible. And if it turns out that filling my every day life with love is the answer I get, then I’ll take joy in that. Another one of the important Venus lessons is celebrating desires even when they cannot be achieved.