Sam Hartman (hartmans) wrote,
Sam Hartman

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I started the year with four main goals. I wanted to move into a place of my own and find what I wanted in my space. I wanted to make progress on the Kerberos Consortium at work. I wanted to start at least one relationship and make progress learning who I want to share my life with, what works and what does not. Finally I wanted to get in better shape. I've made progress on all these goals.

Living in my own place was wonderful if at least in some sense short-lived. I have a better idea of what I want. Also, the new place is nicer than a basement room in a house that the landlord doesn't really maintain. While it is correspondingly more expensive, I'm at a point in my life where paying more fore something I'm going to like makes sense.

In terms of happiness though, I'll remember 2005 for the three wonderful relationships I started. It has been great to get to know Shava, Leaf and Margaret and then later to get to know their friends and to introduce them to my friends.
I've gained significant confidence in my ability to meet people and to grow close to them. I'm also learning what I want and learning how to share my life with others. I don't know what the future holds, but I have every confidence that regardless of how our relationships change, I have found new life-long friends this year.

At the beginning of December, Margaret and I made a lasting commitment to our relationship. That has certainly been a significant part of my happiness over the last month. It has also lead to a lot of contemplation and uncertainty about how this will interact with other relationships now and in the future. I'm still looking for life partners; while Margaret and I have not ruled out the possibility, it seems likely that I will find family elsewhere. It's hard to explain that I'm still looking for those sorts of commitments and even to explain what I mean by various levels of commitment in a situation this complicated. Also, many people wouldn't be in a relationship with
someone who has long-term commitments to a third party. Still, I've never been complexity averse, and this complexity is not going to cause me to turn away from something as important and wonderful as my relationship to Margaret.

I'm looking forward to 2006. I suppose I should try and set some goals. I haven't really had a chance to sit down and do that, but I should get to that within the next weeks.

Tags: introspection, relationships, status

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