Sam Hartman (hartmans) wrote,
Sam Hartman

Five Years

Yesterday was the five year anniversary of mrw42 and my commitment to spend our lives together. Five years ago we were in a hotel in Austin at the end of a visit to friends there. Margaret knew that I was looking at making some changes in my relationships; she was concerned about what I wanted to do. She was delighted to learn that I'd realized I always wanted her and my life and I was overjoyed to learn that she left the same way. Shortly before we had to leave Austin, we discussed when we wanted to actually make a commitment to each other. There's no time like the present and lacking any reason to delay, we made a commitment then. She'd already talked to Kevin about how she felt and about the possibility of making a commitment. We didn't have much time to celebrate: Margaret needed to catch a plane for a business trip and I was staying in Austin. I spent the rest of the day bubbling over with joy inside while trying to focus on a difficult conversation with a friend and later on designing some extensions to IPsec.

That began (or perhaps continued) what has been a five-year journey of wonder and exploration. We worked to understand what our commitment meant to each other and then braced ourselves for the reactions of others. For the most part the reaction of our friends and loved ones started a wonderful trend: when you approach those you care about with happiness and joy, they reflect it back! We were nervous about how people would take things, but for the most part people had a few questions and then shared our happiness and joy. Not everyone has been comfortable with our relationship, but things have gone much more smoothely than expected.

A year later we were ready to stand in front of our friends and profess our love and commitment to each other. Again, we were nervous about how tha would go. We spent a lot of time exploring what it meant to us, and comparing it to other things. That was valuable for us, but it was yet another example that for the most part, openness, honesty and happiness works.

A year later our relationship continued to grow as we decided to have a baby together. Having Zoe and having Margaret as the mother of my child are two of the best things in my life.

For me, these five years have been an important growing experience as I've learned what it's been like to be part of a family, to be a father and to support your lovers through their life. Especially recently, I am appreciating how wonderful it is to have Margaret as a friend. I've always known that for myself, but over the last year I've gotten to watch her as she's been a wonderful friend to other people she cares deeply about. That's given me a new appreciation for how lucky I am!

Things have been rough at times. There's been a lot to learn and a lot to adjust to. I'm still struggling to figure out what I want and how to balance time. However, right now, I couldn't be happier. Throughout our relationship I've had the kind of deep love that truly allows people to grow beyond themselves. I look forward to the years to come.

Tags: poly, relationship, status

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