I attended Beltane this weekend. There, I was at a ritual where Venus was drawn down. She expressed her love and approval for me. Thinking about it this morning, I realized that I could not face her approval and stepped out of the moment, my emotional self disconnected, my rational self wondering how much of this was the host talking and whether Venus could really be expressing her love and approval. Well, of course that's possible, and I do know that the priestess drawing Venus is happy with what I'm doing.
It's hard though to view things that way without denying the power of the rest of that ritual. I sat with my Venus idol this morning and contemplated my reaction. Accepting approval is sometimes really hard. Even when we're trying our best, it is hard to graciously accept strong positive support. I cried, sad that I could not approach Her approval Saturday, but happy that I have the love of my goddess and determined to be more open and connected with these sort of positive feelings in the future.