The year 2016 sucked. It feels like the year was filled with many different versions of the universe saying "Not interested in what you have to offer." At the beginning of the year, I had the energy to try and reach across large disagreements and help find common ground even when compromise was not possible. Now, my blog lies fallow because I cannot find the strength to be vulnerable enough to write what I would choose to say. Certainly a lot of the global changes of the last year have felt like a strong rejection of the world I'd like to see. However, many of the rejections have been personal. Beyond that, most of the people who stood as pillars of support in my life, together helping me find the strength to be vulnerable, are no longer available.
When the universe sends such strong messages, it's a good idea to ask whether you are on the right path. I certainly have discovered training I need and things I need to improve in order to avoid making costly mistakes that hurt others. However, among the rejections were clear demonstrations of the value of reaching out with love and compassion. Besides, this is what I'm called to do. It's what I want to do. I certainly will not force it on anyone. But it looks like the next few years may be a hard struggle to find pockets of people interested in that work, finding people who will choose love even in the current world, along with some difficult training to learn from challenges of the last year.
Amongst all this, my life if filled with love. There are new connections even as old connections are strained. There is always the hope of finding new ways to connect when the old ones are no longer right. I will rebuild and regain safety. I have the tools to do that. The process is just long and complicated.